I’m not quite sure if it’s the voice of Adele herself that has Diorshow stained tears running down my face or if it was the rewind button pushed prior to Adele’s latest hit Someone Like You conveniently coming on the radio. The past few hours I sat and soberly watched myself, but not really myself, make every mistake when it comes to love. As a friend of mine fed the unwanted attention of a boy whom she’s been graveling over for the past several months, I sat back and analyzed her inebriated tactics with astonishment. Everything she was doing wrong, was everything I had done wrong and regretted when it came to relationships. Yet I realized all of this only a few short months ago when I met Him.
For so long I had blamed men for breaking my heart. They were either assholes, players, or all of the above. And every single one of them left me broken hearted and wondering why I was not “good enough” and what exactly was “wrong with me”. I didn’t understand why I was incapable of grasping the attention of a man for long enough to become a commitment. I never seemed to have an issue with attracting guys, the issue always lie in making him want something more. Heartache after heartache finally led me to the one that opened my eyes to all that I had been doing wrong when it came to men.
You see, I did what most everyone does wrong when it comes to the opposite sex and monogamy. I played games by showing him I wasn’t interested when I really was. You may be asking yourself what “games” exactly am I referring to. I will take tonight as a prime example of these so called games we women HATE but LOVE to play. We wait for him to text/call us and assume that if he doesn’t that means he is not interested. When we are out and he has shown interest we go out of our way to show him that other guys are also interested i.e. flirting with other guys in front of him (including his friends), dancing with other guys, and sometimes even making out with other guys within his peripherals. We go home with him within the first few nights of getting to know him. We get bashfully and sometimes belligerently intoxicated around him in an attempt to gain “liquid confidence”. We act clingy by ensuring we’re always within his line of vision. We attempt to be the center of attention in order to gain his attention at all times. And worst of all, we sleep with him WAY too soon in hopes that doing so will win him over. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.
If your interested in a guy you show him. You show him by texting and initiating conversation with him every now and then, because honestly, how do you know that his thought process isn’t the same as yours and he hasn’t been waiting for YOUR reciprocation. You show him by NOT acting interested in every and any other guy you meet when you are in the same social setting, especially not his friends. You show him by not needing to be the center of attention to gain his attention, you’ve already done that by now or else you wouldn’t (or else I hope you wouldn’t) be obsessing over him. You show him by not sleeping with him too soon, and you do that by stating your intentions in the beginning to avoid any confusion (which means you probably shouldn’t go home with him either). You show him by not trying to get serious too soon, men can smell desperation from a mile away. You show him by not needing to throw back a few shots in order to hold a decent conversation with him, being sloppy isn’t cute and neither is a girl who isn’t confident. If confidence is an area that you are lacking in, than continue to follow my blog and I ensure that I will at least attempt to help you gain some, but know now that I can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself.
Which finally leads me to taking responsibility for your own actions. It is so easy to blame men for why all of relationships seem to be epic failures. But have you ever sat back and thought about how maybe you played some role? I hope you have now. Sitting back and watching my own mistakes played back to me through a friend was not appealing, and that is why I want you and every other girl who has been sitting on the side lines of dating to recognize what you’re doing wrong NOW and before it’s too late. It took one good guy to make me realize all of this, and it took loosing him to force me to change how I handled relationships. You teach people how to treat you, would you want someone to treat you the way that you have been treating him? I didn’t think so. Start being smart and stop playing games…they don’t get the guy and will only ensure you going home alone relating to the song “someone like you” and wishing you hadn’t been so ignorant.